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my final term paper

The Interpersonal Conflict

(An Analysis with the intersection of Social Exchange Theory and the Nonverbal Communication)

Interpersonal Relationship begins with perception and expectation from both persons involve in the relationship. It can be illustrated like teacher-students relationship, landlady-boarders relationship and even employer-employee relationship. Interpersonal suggests something is going on people involved. The general basic understanding of communication is that it is a process of transmitting messages.

The interpersonal relationship visualizes the communication act I have chosen, the employer-employee relationship. These work relationship is at conflict situation which will be discussed further. To be able to identify the real situation and conflicts refer to the situation of the communication act introduced below.

The setting was in the coffee shop. The communication act is between the employer and its employee at the coffee shop. Some of their conversations were extracted and analyzed.

The situation is this; the employer gave an envelope to the employee. The employee opened the envelope and counted the money. The employee then suddenly told the man to accept him still as his clerk. But the man refused instead turned his back to the employee. The employee walked out of the shop. Then suddenly, another guy went to the employer and wore the uniform that the other employers are wearing. The guy happened to be the new clerk of the shop hired by the employer. It was stated earlier that I extracted some of their conversations and it was shown below.

Employer: Here is your salary for this month.

Employee: (he opened the envelope) Sir, please. I need this job.

Employer: Your job is important but you’re always late. You always ask your advance salary. I don’t need you anymore.(the employer turned his back)

Employee: (he went out of the shop)

A guy entered. The manager gave him the uniform and instructed him what to do.

Employer: Do your job well.

Guy: Yes sir! It is my first day so I will do my best.

The guy happened to be the new clerk at the shop. It was in the conversation that the employer implicates that he need another better employee. He wanted an obedient and punctual employee so he fired his late comer employee. Then, the employee admitted that he cannot do anything so he left the shop. Here comes the new employee hired to take the new job.

First things first, our perceptions influence communication in our relationships from the start to end. It shapes the traits we assigned to people, our expectations to them, and the way we understand what they do and say. Our perceptions function together with our expectations of ourselves and others to create communication rules for our relationships and influence our relationship positions.

Moreover, interpersonal perception is mutual. As we take in and interpret information about someone, that person is doing the same with respect to us. The mutual quality of perception makes it possible for both people in situation to achieve their goals. In a relationship, both parties have expectations that, although they may differ, influence our perception in that relationship. According to Wilson, we develop communication rules out of our perception and expectations in a relationship.

Frequently work relationships are maintained at acquaintance level (Wilson 311). In the initiating stage, there are several possible relational choices throughout the experimenting stage. We might end the relationship because there is not enough commonality to sustain interest. Or we might decide to remain at the acquaintance level. In fact, this is the fate of the most work relationships; the contact remains occasional and the talk is not particularly intimate.

The other possibility is to intensify a relationship if we find it satisfying and see that there is the basis for building a deeper and more significant relationship. Of course, if we do this, the other person in the relationship must make a similar decision. In case of the communication act above, the employer did not intensify the relationship because he saw that there is not enough commonality to sustain his own interest.

Negotiation is private examining of the relationship (Wilson 316). If there is less self disclosure there is less contact. If the person involve in the communication act decides that negotiation is reasonable, they might begin to discuss differences but fail to come to agreement. This might then result in either holding patter or disengagement. It was visualized when the employee beg the manager to accept him still but the employer told the employee that being late and asking advance salary is unsatisfactory for the employer. That leads the employer-employee relationship into disengagement or disconnection. The manager decided to put an end to the relationship.

The expectation we bring to our communication with others come from a summary evaluation of feelings and actions about ourselves and partner in communication. It is then understood that from the very beginning the employer has expectations to his employees. The employer also created communication rules out of his expectations and perceptions to his employees at the beginning of the relationship.

It was then the employee violated the manager’s expectations causing the manager to adjust and make a decision out of the employee’s actions during the job. The employer wanted to make income in his café with obedient and enthusiastic workers. But right then the employee was fired because he is not doing the things that were expected by the manager. The developed communication rules were not achieved by the employee. It was stated earlier that communication rules were developed out of our perception and expectations in a relationship.

This interpersonal relationship between the employer and employee is in conflict. According to Gerald Wilson Interpersonal conflict takes place in both one-to-one and group settings. Sometimes this conflict is not useful and sometimes it is functional. Functional conflict manages the situation without damaging the relationship. Nonproductive conflict often damages the relationship. In case of communication act above, the employer is in the nonproductive conflict, the conflict which damaging his relationship with the employee.

Joyce Hacker and William Wilmot have defined interpersonal conflict as an expressed struggle between interdependent parties. This definition actually has several implications. In particular, the word struggle implies that the parties understand that they have incompatible goals, that the reward is scare or loss, and that the other person involved is keeping them from achieving their goals. The aim of each party is to prevail or to gain rewards. Opponents in intense conflict may even attempt to damage, neutralize or eliminate each other.

On the part of the employer, he has his own goal. He sees conflict in achieving his goals because of the employee. He considered his employee as the hindrance in his own goals and that he cannot gain reward from the employee. In this relationship the employer is the opponent in the intense conflict. The manager decided to damage the relationship and eliminate the employer rather than neutralizing the conflict making him the opponent in the communication act.

The important terms related to the definition of interpersonal conflict are perceived differences and incompatible goals. There is perceived differences between the individuals as well as striving for what we think are incompatible goals or scarce rewards. If there is no striving, there is no motivating force for the conflict. In the employee’s view, his actions caused him to lose his job. The employer then becomes the motivating force to raise the conflict in the relationship. His being late for the job is the problem found by the employer. That is why the employee himself started the interpersonal conflict in the relationship. The employee might unconsciously or consciously become the onset of the interpersonal conflict.

The outcomes of the intervention techniques of such conflict can be classified as win-lose techniques, lose-lose techniques, and win-win technique (Wilson, 1997). As stated earlier the employer managed to damage the relationship with his employee. The outcome of this is classified by the win-lose technique. The two methods are also classified as win-lose techniques, that is, one person will win, and the other will lose. In the communication act the employer is definitely the winner and the employee is the loser. Forcing is usually a win-lose strategy. It uses power to cause the other person accept a goal. The loser is then forced to abandon his goal. The force strategy in the communication act obviously gives rise to the damage in the relationship of the employer to his employee.

Moreover, the observed nonverbal gestures of the employer and employee have implicit meanings. The turning back of the employer shows that he will not entertain any reasons from the employee. The employee resents the employer because he believed that he was forced into withdrawal causing him to just walk out of the café. Withdrawal in the conflict does not necessarily involve direct communication. In the interpersonal conflict, nonverbal communication occurs usually on the part of the person who retreats. This shows why the employee went out of the café after begging the employer to accept him still in the job. When the employee perceived that the employer has the right to do such thing, he then immediately withdraws in the situation and accepts that the damage in the relationship had been done.

Furthermore, the relationship between the employer and the employee represents the Social Exchange Theory. The basic idea of Social Exchange Theory is that people seek to maximize rewards and minimize costs in relationship. In the situation of the employer and the employee, the employer wanted to gain income. It was then the employer fired the employee because he is not gaining anymore. It was stated that there is already a loss in reward.

Social exchange theory suggests that all human relationships are formed by the use of a subjective cost-benefit analysis and the comparison of alternatives. For example, when a person perceives the costs of a relationship as outweighing the perceived benefits, then the theory predicts that the person will choose to leave the relationship. In the communication act, the manager right then disregards the relationship he has with the employee. On the part of the manager he already perceived the costs in the relationship. The manager then initiates to dismiss the employee since the he is not rewarding.

In terms of communication, rewards are assigned positive numbers and costs, then, are assigned negative numbers. Reward is the valued resource received from another, or gained as a result of some action. On the other hand, Cost is the valued resource given by one actor to another, or lost as a result of some action. The outcome of an interaction is the combination of rewards and costs.

The reward that was expected by the manager from the interpersonal relationship with the employee is that the employee will help him gain income for his financial purposes. He was certainly hoping for the less cost in achieving the rewards. It was computed with the Social exchange equation: Rewards-Costs=Profits to figure out whether a relationship is worth the time and effort.

People strive to minimize costs and maximize rewards, as with economics, and then base the likeliness of developing a relationship with someone on the perceived possible outcomes. When these outcomes are perceived to be greater, we disclose more and develop a closer relationship with that person. This concept is explained by the Social Penetration Theory, in which people tend to disclose self when they feel that they are stable in the relationship. Social Penetration is another communication theory that describes the components of relationship development. These components and the stage at which the relationship is in, also affect the overall outcome (Social Exchange) of a speech acts.

Social Exchange theory explains how we feel about a relationship with another person as depending on our perceptions of the balance between what we put into the relationship and what we get out of it, the kind of relationship we deserve, the chances of having a better relationship with someone else.

Equilibrium in the relationship of the employer and the employee is not stable. It begins when the manager dismissed the employee because of the violated perception from him. The relationship between them was affected by the actions done by the employee. He then initiates the conflict and instability in the relationship.

In deciding what is fair, we develop a comparison level against which we compare the give/take ratio. This level will vary between relationships, with some being more giving and others where we get more from the relationship. They will also vary greatly in what is given and received.

Thus, for the communication act being discussed, exchanges at it may be different, both in balance and content. In a way the manager already set the exchanges he might get in the relationship and also the employee get also the exchanges he needed but failed to maintain the stability in the relationship. Right then the manager developed comparison level in the give and take ratio between him and the employee.

The Social Exchange Theory can accurately gauge the pay offs of a variety of interactions and that we have the good sense to choose the action that will provide the best result. In the case of the employee fired by the manager, he certainly knew the sense of actions that he must do but because of other reasons and goals he was strayed to his goals in the interpersonal relationship with the manager.

In the first place, social behavior is an exchange of goods, material goods but also non-material ones, such as the symbols of approval or prestige. Persons that give much to others try to get much from them, and persons that get much from others are under pressure to give much to them. This process of influence tends to work out at equilibrium to a balance in the exchanges. For a person in an exchange, what he gives may be a cost to him, just as what he gets may be a reward, and his behavior changes less as the difference of the two, profit, tends to a maximum. The employee has the responsibilities to maintain the stability with his employer to make the equilibrium to a balance in the exchanges. But then he failed which made him lose his job and replace by other who can do better in a relationship.

We also have a comparison level for the alternative relationships. With a high such comparison level, the manager possibly maintain the relationship with the employer. When this level is low, manager might allow himself to stay in a high-cost relationship simply because he believes he could not find any better employee elsewhere. But if there is an alternative he might chose to leave the relationship and go with in another relationship where he could gain with low cost. This is the time where the employer employed another employee in replacement of the lost one. He immediately found another worker for the coffee shop. At this time the manager made sure that the new hired employee will work better than the other. In his statement “Do your job well.” he implied that the relationship between them is expected to be better and the exchanges this time will be mutual unlike the previous relationship.

It is natural that we communicate and build relationships to gain rewards, and we stay with that relationship that is more rewarding than they are costly.

People try to predict the outcome of a relationship before it takes place from the start (Griffin 123). Thus when the manager employed the employee from the start, he mentally assesses the probable rewards and costs of interpersonal relationship with the employee. The manager perceives a number of benefits from the alternatives. So right then, he hired a new employee in the coffee shop after the dismissal of the other employee. On the other hand, the new employee desired a new job for financial purposes that make the manager, who look for alternatives, the best candidate. The new employee assured the manager that he will do his best to the job. It made him start develops another interpersonal relationship with the employer.

Usually, the typical person decides to pursue relationships where the rewards are greater than the cost. They understand that in order to get the rewards that there will be costs that they will have to deal with. In work relationships, the concept of rewards in material form is a significant matter. Initially, they put up the relationship to get something from it. Then, it was expected to maintain the acquaintance level of the relationship. Consequently, if conflict will arise in the end of the relationship, decisions will not be difficult on the part of the employer. In particular are the decisions that involve withdrawal or disengagement of the relationship.

Moreover, sequence plays a large role in evaluating the relationship. It need a lot of time to evaluate fairly the relationship. Whatever the result it was stored in our memory. One negative experience in the relationship will affect the whole relationship in the future. It is then important to avoid those unpleasant experiences even from the very beginning of the relationship.

Therefore, interpersonal conflicts is ought to be avoided in any relationship but if the expectation in the relationship is not attained any decision will automatically affect the relationship. Any decision might be risky in terms of achieving the goals but it should be understood that even from the start the persons involve is expected to be responsible in maintaining the equilibrium to be balance in the relationship.

Works Cited

Littlejohn, Stephen. Theories of Human Communication. 4^th edition. California: International Thompson Publishing Company, 1997.

Littlejohn, Stephen. Theories of Human Communication. 5^th edition. California: International Thompson Publishing Company, 1997.

Griffin, Em. A First Look at Communication Theory. New York: McGraw-Hills Co,2006

Wilson, Gerald. Hantz, Alan. Hanna, Michael. Interpersonal Growth through Communication. 4^th edition. Brown and Brenchmark Publisher, 1995.

research proposal

 

 

I.          Title  “The Different Gestures made by the first year BA Communication Arts students of University of the Philippines Mindanao in Calling the Attention of Habal-habal drivers for a Ride”

 

II.        Abstract

 

            Habal habal or popularly known as HH is the most common means of transportation in the University of the Philippines Mindanao. It’s been usual for the students of University of the Philippines to ride a Habal-habal.  Students get used to ride HH in going to their designated places. This everyday setting was just normal and nothing extraordinary about it. Students never know that their way of calling the HH is such interesting and fun to observe.

 

 This usual and everyday act is a form or nonverbal communication. According to The Interpersonal Communication book (Joseph A. De Vito, 1998), of all the nonverbal communication systems, the body is the most important in delivering messages. Within the body we communicate a wide variety of messages through gestures, facial expressions, eye movements, and touching behavior. In the condition of calling an HH is a form of nonverbal communication between a student and a HH driver which consists of different gestures.

 

The proponent would like to determine the different gestures made by selected group of students. The proponent classifies this group of UP Min students as the first year students under BA Communication Arts program. The proponent would like also to know how these actions mean only one thing for the HH drivers. The study will also determine if what kind of body movement these gestures belong through interpersonal communication through body movement and what are the elements of interpersonal communication is involved. The proponent will construct her own model to explain the process of communication between the HH driver and students. And will explain it through the nature and elements of intrapersonal communication.

 

III.       Significance:

1.      This study will serve as one of the best example in determining nonverbal communication in UP Min setting as it make use elements and nature of interpersonal communication.

2.      This study will also lead to another study concerning the nonverbal communication using the different theories in the class of COMA 101. For instance, the perception and judgment of freshmen the first time they ride the HH through the theories in Coordinated Management of Meaning (CMM) by W. Barnett Pearce and Vernon Cronen.

3.      UP Min students are calling the HH for a ride which is simply common and usual but this study will exposed the uniqueness in calling the attention of the HH drivers for a ride. The model to be done will explain the process of getting HH for a ride as it makes use the different theories in COMA 101 class.

 

IV.                   Background

Verbal messages as well as nonverbal messages is sent and received in our everyday communication. Both can be blend to best convey your meanings in your messages. According to Joseph A. De Vito in his book of The Interpersonal Communication Eight edition (1998), nonverbal communication may be used as accent, complement, control or substitution.  

For instance, we want to say “thank you” in order to give emphasis we might want to look the person in the eye with delight. Nonverbal communication also combines subtle differences. For instance you might want to wave your hands every time you meet your friends in the hallway while greeting them. In terms of control, you might make a hand movement to signal stop within your discussion in the group. For substitution, where nonverbal communication usually takes place, instead of saying our messages we might want to use our body communication to convey messages. For example, in saying your full you might not want to say it verbally but just by touching your stomach and with satisfied face then your message will be understood. And these are the uses and significance of nonverbal communication in our everyday life.

In University of the Philippines Mindanao the most common means of transportation is popularly known as HH. The students call the drivers for a ride through nonverbal communication because of the distance between the drivers and the students who wanted to ride. According to the researcher’s observation, there are a lot of hand gestures and body movements are done in order to get a HH. This concept was observed because of its simplicity and actually is interesting.

The study aim to know how these nonverbal communications acted and employed by UP Min students. The study will determine how this nonverbal communication takes place and used by the students.

Moreover the proponent will also seek the different hand gestures by the students and how these gestures are delivered and convey only one meaning. The proponent would like to determine the different gestures by the first year BA Communication Arts. The proponent would like to observed this different gestures and provide pictures of it. At the same time, the proponent will make a model out of the communication between a student and a driver.

V.                      Conceptual Framework

It was already stated that the most common means of transportation in the UPMin is called Habal-habal or HH. The way of calling the attention of HH drivers are forms of nonverbal communication.

The way the students call the drivers for a ride will be the focused of this study. It will also determine the different gestures and body movement in terms of calling the HH. As well as the importance of these gestures and movement.

It was already states above that this nonverbal communication may be used as accent, complement, control or substitution.  The proponent will seek to determine which one is the use of getting the HH for.

The results will be based on the observations by the proponent. For better presentation the proponent would like to provide pictures of these hand gestures and body movement.

In addition, the proponent would like to present a model out of the nonverbal communication between the student and the driver. The model will serves as a model of interpersonal communication in the presence of nonverbal communication. It will be based on the CMC model of communication of__________.

 

VI.                   Objectives

The study is to be conducted to carry out the following objectives:

1. To provide pictures of hand gestures and body movements by the first year BA Communication Arts.

2. To know how this nonverbal communication convey only one meaning.

3. To determine which of De Vito’s uses of nonverbal communication this will fall under.

4. To know the most common ways of students to call the attention of a habal habal drivers.

 

VII.                Methodology

The research study will be conducted using closer observations in the setting where the communication takes place. The proponent will take pictures and take these pictures under closer study. The pictures will serves as documents to determine what kind of nonverbal communication the students uses in calling habal habal.

The data will be drawn through observations and questionnaires to be asked to the first year BA Communication Arts. The questionnaires will be based and in relation to the nonverbal communication that takes place between students and drivers.

In addition the proponent would like also to conduct short interviews with the twenty five selected first year BA Communication Arts regarding on how they would act in calling the habal habal drivers. And also short interviews with the drivers in regards with the most common gestures and movements they encounter.

This study is a descriptive research that would gather data through observations and descriptions of the hand gestures and body movements. It is then to be analyze to relate it to intrapersonal nonverbal communication. The proponent will make use of De Vito’s book of Interpersonal Communication eight edition (1998) as the main reference.

 

IV.                   Gantt Chart

Activities	WEEKS
	1st	2nd	3rd	4th	5th
observation	×
Data analysis	×
Interview with the students and drivers		×	×
Analysis of data gathered			×
Formulation of model and conclusion				×
Encode findings					x

 

 

 

 

 

Elaboration Likelihood Model

After learning that our assignments will deal on advertisements I immediately give attention to different ads aired on TV. I’m supposed to analyze 2 ads and relate them to elaboration likelihood model of Richard Petty and John Cacioppo, our current topic in COMA 101. This topic actually deals with persuasion.

 

I learned that there are alternative paths to persuasion which are the central and peripheral routes.

 

Central route involves message elaboration. Elaboration is “the extent to which a person carefully thinks about issue-relevant arguments contained in a persuasive communication. I relate the central route in the commercial of Solmux. People may be persuade by this commercial because it used the new technology in medicine. This commercial shared ideas and facts about the cold and phlegm. On how this phlegm stick to our throat and make us difficult to cough. The ad also showed on how the phlegm is metaphoric to the frog and can be release easily through the medicine Solmux. This ad gave insights to the people of how the cough and phlegm makes our breathing difficult. It gave us the right medicine to take. This will guide the people to what medicine they should take if they will suffer to cough and cold. The argument in this ad is “Is the facts presented in the ad about the medicine are true and reliable. There was a time that I consider using the Solmux. That day my roommate had a cough and decided to look for a medicine and she remembered this ad so she decided to buy Solmux since she had no knowledge about what medicine to take on cough. She might be persuaded by this ad because of the knowledge she knew through this ad. Central route actually provides new information rationally. There was no change in attitude but there was gained knowledge and indeed persuasion.

 

Peripheral route offers a shorthand way to accept or reject a message “without any active thinking about the attributes of the issue or the object of consideration”. For me the best ad to relate with this is the commercial of CLEAR. Amazing that it was endorsed by different famous stars including Bea Alonzo, John Lloyd Cruz, Piolo Pascual, and even the famous international singer- actor RAIN. The ads of CLEAR are really amazing and impressive. I, myself, was persuaded by this ad. I was curious on how the shampoo works but more interesting in it because heavy actors and actresses were endorsing the shampoo. It is indeed true that Pinoy were easily to persuade when it comes to improving our physical appearance by believing the products endorsed by our favorite stars. Peripheral route showed that “instead of doing extensive works, recipients rely on a variety of cues that allow them to make quick decisions.” In my own experience I was persuaded easily believing only the credibility of the stars that endorsed it. I made quick decisions after watching the ad several times. I changed my old shampoo and my attitude towards other shampoo other than clear. Sound bias as it may seem but this support the cognitive process which is the peripheral route.

Finally, it is better to analyze a commercial of any kind of persuasion by central route. It has more benefits and gave us insights while the peripheral rely too much on variety that allows us to decide quickly. Which may affect our attitude towards a certain matter.

 

 

juvenile delinquents

Recently, im working with my research paper. It is about juvenile delinquency. i want to discuss some of my thoughts about our research topic in relation to communication theories.

Juveniles experience many events throughout the early years of their lives that influence their individual thoughts and actions. Liau, Barriga, and Gibbs (1998) define cognitive distortions as inaccurate or rationalizing attitudes, thoughts, or beliefs concerning one’s own or others’ social behavior. Youth, especially delinquent youth, use cognitive distortions to justify socially unacceptable actions as acceptable. Barriga, Landau, Stinson II, Liau, and Gibbs (1999) categorize four main cognitive distortions: self-centered, blaming others, minimizing/mislabeling, and assuming the worst. The first distortion is self-centered and is a primary distortion. An individual resorting to a self-centered cognitive distortion behaves according to his or her own views, expectations, needs, rights, immediate feelings, and desires to such an extent that the legitimate views of others (or even one’s own long-term best interest) are scarcely considered or are disregarded altogether. The second distortion is blaming others. Blaming others is misattributing blame for one’s harmful actions to outside sources, especially to another person, a group, or a momentary aberration (one was drunk, high, in a bad mood, etc.), or misattributing blame for one’s victimization or other misfortune to innocent others. The third distortion is minimizing/mislabeling in which an individual depicts antisocial behavior as causing no real harm or as being acceptable or even admirable, or referring to others with belittling or dehumanizing labels. The fourth distortion is assuming the worst.

Assuming the worst is when an individual gratuitously attributes hostile intentions to others; considering a worst-case scenario for a social situation as if it were inevitable; or assuming that improvement is impossible in one’s own or others’ behavior. The second, third, and fourth distortions are secondary distortions and are used to rationalize and diminish the bad feelings felt or enhanced due to the use of the primary or self-centered distortion (Barriga and Gibbs, 1996).

Juvenile delinquents find it acceptable to use cognitive distortions and, therefore use them frequently. These at risk youth tend to come from hostile and dysfunctional families in which very little emphasis is placed on structure and discipline. Their environments tend to be high in criticism, physical and emotional abuse, unnecessarily harsh punishments, and lack of positive parental influence. Researchers have found children that have been raised in a negative type of environment are more aggressive, more often diagnosed with oppositional defiant disorder, attention deficit disorder, conduct disorder, and antisocial personality disorder, and exhibit more frequent use of cognitive distortions (Giancola, Mezzich, Clark, and Tarter, 1999).

According to the social information processing theory, cognitive distortions may not be only due to environmental factors but due to the result of physiological processes. An individual’s behavior may be altered due to cognitive distortions interrupting the transfer of incoming information before the information activates a particular behavior. The interruption may affect traditional schemas and/or the ability for the incoming information to continue to lead to an action (Liau, Barriga, and Gibbs, 1998).

As a result of cognitive distortion usage being higher among some juveniles, those juveniles are more likely to engage in illegal activities. An accurate recording of crimes committed is needed in order for researchers to evaluate the use of cognitive distortions among delinquent and non-delinquent youth. This can be achieved in many ways but one of the most common and surprisingly most accurate is a self-reported delinquency questionnaire. According to Elliott and Ageton (1980), the major types of crimes can be found in six broad categories.

Cognitive distortions are widely used ways of thinking that enables individuals to justify unacceptable behavior that may be the result of both environmental and physiological factors. In order to replicate previous studies and support previous research, cognitive distortion differences among juvenile delinquents and non-delinquents need to be further examined. Therefore, the purpose of this study is to compare the differences between juvenile delinquents and non-delinquents in regards to cognitive distortions and global self-esteem.

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reply to cha cha cha…

(note: After reading and learning the problems of Jim and Shelley, I decided to write a letter to Shelley because we both keep a diary which we consider one of our precious things.)

 

Dear Shelley,

 

You are actually feeling the conflict between you and Jim in wanting to share the innermost feelings in both of you and at the same time maintaining your own zone of privacy. Dialectoral theory has a lot to tell you about what you are truly feeling.

 

According to the theory, the act of Jim is just normal, natural, and even inevitable dynamics in human relationship. Jim actually feeling the dialectical tension between wanting openness while you are wanting to preserve privacy. Come to realize that the conflict between you will be consider as the spice in your relationship. In the early stage you are discovering new things between you that would lead you to talk about important things and unnoticed issues between both of you.

In the end you might encounter more contradictory impulses that you will experience in your relationship. Researchers suggest basic dialectics that concerns tensions between your relationships.

 

In integration/separation dialectics couples want time to themselves to nurture their closeness and to be unconstrained by pressures, expectations and judgments others may impose.

 

Stability/change discussed the bringing of uniqueness of your relationship. Imagine that daily routines will make the relationship boring and less interesting. Being unique leads to intimacy between both of you.

 

In expression/privacy pivots in tension between the desire to be open and expressive, on the other hand, and to be closed and private. Total openness might damage a relationship since some of our private thoughts might hurt our partners.

 

My final point is that both of you should respect and understand each other. Try to talk about unusual and unnoticed issues that might help to keep the intimacy between you and Jim.

 

I hope I cleared your mind and you might consider my points.

reply to Have you seen those Chinese acrobats piled up on a single bike?

 

 

 

 

(Note:I named the narrator after my favorite anime named Naruto)

To Naruto,

I guess all the members of your family are all in deep problem. And worst of all it seems that all of you are not trying to solve and give attention to all your dilemmas. Family means everything. Being harsh is never an option to any dilemmas you might encounter right now.

Dynamic equilibrium is a term that captures the contradictory ideas of change and stability. With the help of interactional theory, you have to maintain that steady relationship with your family to avoid conflicts and misunderstandings. At the same time it explains why you are acting the way you act right now. You are actually beginning to love the company of your friends than your family because you appreciate changes in your lives and the new perspective they bring, which for you is a passive thing. I don’t opposed to your perspective because I’ve felt what you feel. I admit I love the feeling of being with my friends and I guess you also do. And there’s nothing wrong with that!

Now that you are grown-up it is normal to feel the change and asked for your independence. According to interactional theory is that change is inevitable and continuous. When you don’t deal with your problems it will ruin the whole system of your family and the members might make a move that might be good or not in your view. I think your mother had the reasons to be protective of you. On the other hand I also understand your situation. All you need to do is to understand your mother and always remember that your parents just know the best for you. Always bear in mind that you are family and each must help each other.

I suggest you talk to each member of your family. Explain everything that you want to clarify. But of course deal with the right way of approaching others. Metacommunication says that you expressed your nonverbal actions in a smooth way. You might think that because you are older to your sister you have the power between both of you. With the response from your sister it showed that she can’t let you superior to her. But maybe you became smooth to her she might listen to you and appreciate that you care for her.

My final advice is that you just have to be open and be patient in all the matters you might encounter with regard to your family.

my calendar

ACTIVITIES	TIME
	WEEK 1	WEEK 2	WEEK 3	WEEK 4	WEEK 5
1. determine the group of students
2. observation
3. writing of observations
4. analysis
5. encode results
6. finalize the paper

my assignment

My research topic is about the different gestures of UP Min students in calling a habal-habal for a ride. This topic got my interest because it is visible to us that it is the students’ daily routine in school. I am curious on how the students call for habal-habal or popularly known as HH. Calling the HH is just normal and ordinary act by students everyday but the way we call the HH is very amusing. I noticed it while walking down the street of UP Min. I noticed these students the way they wave to call the attention of the HH driver for a ride to College of Science and Mathematics. Since then, I started to observe all of the students in school on how they will call the habal-habal. I found out that they do different gestures to get the attention of the HH drivers for a ride. Then, I wanted to know how this gestures mean, how the student send the messages by gestures, and how these non verbal messages are receive by the drivers.

I believed that the importance of this paper is to find out the different gestures by students of UP Min in calling for habal-habal. That having different signs and gestures would only mean one thing for the HH drivers. This study will determine if what is the usual nonverbal communication the students usually used. And how the drivers immediately know and get the message by the students. how possible the different gestures would only have one meaning.

The following are my sources in making this study:

books

1. The interpersonal communication book 9^th edition pp. 194, Joseph de Vito

2. Interpersonal communication pp. 190,Sarah Trenbolm and Arthur Jensen

3. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Non-verbal_communication

4. http://ezinearticles.com/?Communication:-The-Importance-of-Body-Language&id=461754

5. http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Van_Marwijk.html

6. http://hubpages.com/hub/lying

“Overcoming death”

People like to say, as if it were obvious, that life is hard to define. This is misleading. Life has properties that clearly distinguish it from anything else. All it takes is faithfulness. Life is actually easy to see. It could be everywhere. Only people who are looking for it could find. Believe me that it might be in unexpected places you never imagine. But on the other hand, if we talk about reality there is also the thing we called death.

People are afraid to acquire diseases. Some think of them as a curse, or a karma, and for others it’s simply fate. With diseases, the thought of death always comes through. The fear of death is in everyone, regardless of the status. And one common feared disease with seemingly inevitable endpoint of death is cancer. But could there still be a little spark of hope? Is there a greener side on this grass?

Most of the cancer cases are caused by an abnormality in the genetic material of certain cells. This disease is characterized by a population of cells growing and dividing, and even killing neighboring cells which are supposed to be good cells for the body. Because of such damaging phenomenon, there hasn’t been a single cure for cancer; however, treatments have been developed to hopefully remove cancer without damaging the body. Though science have these treatments, it is really difficult to have cancer, not that I have experienced it. Having the vagueness of how many more years you’ll stay on earth leads you to no other choice but to just believe in whatever there is, particularly in a spontaneous remission of the disease. Dr. Wolfgang Woeppel M.D. defined spontaneous remission of cancer as a complete or partial, temporary or permanent disappearance of all or at least some relevant parameters of a soundly diagnosed malignant disease without any medical treatment or with treatment that is considered inadequate to produce the resulting regression. Though it seems unrealistic for the cancer to just disappear, it may happen. I know one who had something like this, and she had minimal treatments.

It was my second year in high school and there was an eight year old girl in school who particularly caught my attention. She’s my classmate’s younger sister. She’s jolly and very friendly, has unique talents, was admired and loved by many, and, she’s bald. Later I found it was chemotherapy-at such a young age! Her sister shared of the uncertainty of her life and the treatment had just started, but still, we continued to pray for her. Indeed, God listens and this girl had great faith. Nowadays, I still see her once and a while when I visit my old school. I can’t help but smile when I look at this brave girl. She’s now in her first year of high school, now with her shoulder-length curly hair, and carrying with her the sweet smile she’s always been wearing.

I wonder how she felt when the doctor told her that she was already well. Though she had gone treatments, it wasn’t as many as typical patient should have had or as the doctor had predicted. Yet the cancer was gone. Certainly this was a miracle.

Surely, she had fear of death inside her when she was informed of her cancer. But what can we see how she surpassed this with faith, believing that she would be well. Her faith made what seemed impossible to happen to her. She never lost her hope of being cured and she didn’t let the disease conquer and ruin her life. Instead, she just put her trust on God and continued living a normal life.

Spontaneous remission can happen to anyone. Though it is rare, there are really cases of this around the world that have happened. Articles and stories of these are published on papers and posted on webs pages and I have read some of them. I believe that the main key in making such tings happen is faith and never to lose hope. Mysterious as it may seem, spontaneous remission is indeed true and real.